my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
