it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
