He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
