I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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