chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
try to milk me bitch
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
