Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
