3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
