There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
