If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
