I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
