I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
