i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
