trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
