You're my little dorito
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
