drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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