So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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