so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
