he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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