The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
