i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
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