i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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