I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
