if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
