I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
