i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
