i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
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We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You pole danced in your parka.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
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My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
do nipples grow back?
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