party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I want to have your abortion
He kissed a someone with a penis
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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