Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
She told me I should be a condom model.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
