You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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