it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
