lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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