I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
