Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Randomize
