i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
