I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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