Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
