It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
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Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
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Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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