I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
