She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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