i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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