Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
