none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
