i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
