The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
So many bounce houses so little time
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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