Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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