You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
