hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
then he tried to convert me to islam
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I'm determined to sit on that face.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
