You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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