so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
