and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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