I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
