why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
