My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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