is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
