she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
