Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
