Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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