Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
