I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
