how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
