he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
