Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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