im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
