In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
