you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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