a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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