I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
